A podcast about how much your favorite band sucks.
You do at least have to give The Chainsmokers credit for figuring out how to pander to the absolute lowest common denominator of people who pretend to care about music but, that being said, holy hell are these songs the worst thing you’ve ever heard or what? How is it actually legal to suck this bad at making music?
How shocked would you be if anyone in this band was able to explain to explain alternating or direct currents? That’s right, folks. AC/DC is the soundtrack of being a complete dumbass. If chimpanzees could make rock music, it would be smarter than AC/DC. Actually, wait… Has anyone ever tried to teach an ape to play drums? An orangutan could for sure do Phil Rudd’s job. Okay, we’re gonna look into this just as soon as the episode is over.
A lot of people have asked us why Phish wasn’t the very first episode of this podcast. Well, do you really need us to tell you that Phish is one of the worst bands on the planet? No, you don’t. What you need is for us to tell you why Phish is one of the worst bands on the planet, so that’s exactly and comprehensively what we’re going to do. Find somewhere a little more comfortable than the ground to sit down. We’re gonna be here for a while.
You’re not alone and you’re not crazy. All anyone has to do is listen to any 5 Black Flag songs to confirm this has always been a terrible band. Everybody’s just afraid to say it.
Maybe since you can’t leave your house without seeing that logo, everyone assumes a ton of people must be listening to the band? Well, they’re not. Nobody likes this music. (Except for Grateful Dead fans but you can’t trust them.)
Who is worse? Black Flag or The Rolling Stones?
Is Ryan Adams’ music great? Or was he the guy who paved the way for Ed Sheeran? If only there were two professional music listeners to lay out the answers! Oh, wait, that’s us. This is the first episode we almost titled “Ryan Adams Sucked,” past tense, because we’re about to prosecute this dude’s entire career into oblivion.
Not sure how you decide in a battle of Oasis vs Ryan Adams but it’s worth a discussion.
By pretty much any metric you want to choose, Van Halen was one of the worst bands of all time. This is the soundtrack to getting dumb, being dumb and staying dumb. Literally every fictional band from a movie about a band made better music than Van Halen. This is the musical equivalent of mixing every color of paint in the store together until you end up with brown instead of just buying brown paint.
The fact that we did BTS Sucks right before this episode is by far the best part of this podcast. We cover ALL the bases on this show.
If you’re anything like us, at some point in the past few years you’ve asked the question “What in the hell is a BTS and why are all these kids talking about it?” Well, the difference between us and you is we are professionals, so we found out what a BTS is and, friends, it is not good. In fact, it’s bad. In fact, it sucks, which means we had to make this episode even if it’s the last thing we do… And there’s a real chance it may be.
If you like this episode you should also check out our Coldplay episode. Good luck out there.
Ever since we opened up 5-star reviews on Apple Podcasts to requests, there’ve been a few bands who are by far requested above all others. We can’t do all those episodes right away because you’ve always got to keep the crowd wanting more but, every now and then, it comes time to give the people what they want. Today is one of those days.
And it’s not like this will be a tough episode to do or anything, right? Coldplay is one of the most hated bands in existence. If anything, it almost feels like punching down. Ah, well, it’s a dirty job but someone must do it!