Your Favorite Band Sucks

 

Tool is the official soundtrack of thinking you’re smarter than everyone else. Caveat lector, edgelords. We’re coming straight for the chinks in your armor.

In this episode, Mark and Tyler treat a dissection of Tool with all the respect the band deserves, which is none. The formula to create this product is laughably easy. There’s a reason Tool fans have a reputation as some of the worst people in America – they are.

Listen, realizing you’re an idiot is never easy but try not to overreact, okay?

Alright, hands off of each other. The circle jerk is over.

Radiohead’s sound went from an unoriginal whine to a mess of incompetent IDM. Then, they got to work making it harder for young artists to get a leg up in the business.

Mark thinks Limp Bizkit is for sure a better band than Radiohead and he’s probably right about that. Tyler thinks Radiohead ruined music criticism forever. Also, it’s worth listening to the music business dork discussion on In Rainbows’ release strategy to get to the part after that about how this band was rejected by James Bond himself.

This episode was recorded several months ago but the guys had time to come back and add more thoughts on Thom and company ripping off The Hollies, now that they want to come after Lana Del Rey for doing the same thing.

Radiohead sucks.

The Police hate being called white reggae, which is weird because this is what happens when a self-admitted “fake punk band” tries to rip off reggae.

Your super-spiritual aunt thinks Sting is enlightened and she’s wrong because Sting is audio blackface. Some guy who hasn’t bought a new album in 15 years thinks Stewart Copeland is a phenomenal drummer and he’s wrong because Copeland is one of the most overrated musicians in history. Nobody thinks anything about Andy Summers.

The Police suck.

Don’t feel bad for listening to Mark & Tyler dump on Green Day. They deserve it, maybe more than any other band on the podcast so far. They’ve stolen more songs than Led Zeppelin, their big political statements are all BS and, well, they suck.

In defense of Green Day, everyone who has accused them of selling out is an idiot. This band never started (or stopped) sucking for monetary gain because they have always sucked. Too old for their schtick? Check. Hypocrites? Check. Amateur hour with the booze? Check. Song thieves? Check.

This is what would happen if Derek Zoolander started a band. Next time New York City comes up with some trash like this, do everyone a favor and keep it to yourselves.

LCD Soundsystem sucks so hard, their own fans got mad at them for getting back together. That’s pretty bad, right? Would anyone know or care about this band if dude hadn’t founded DFA Records? No, they would not.

Mark and Tyler break it down.

Red Hot Chili Peppers are the herpes of music! They destroyed American rock radio, maybe forever. (Like herpes.) Flea can play a lot of notes but he’s playing them on a bass guitar so nobody should care. Oh, by the way, does anyone happen to know what Anthony Kiedis’ favorite state is? Yeah, shut up about California, dude. We get it. Switch it up a little. Write another song about your wiener.

What on earth was John Frusciante ever doing in this band?

Mark has strong opinions about Dave Navarro! Tyler is concerned about the ability of one particular RHCP fan to pass an STD screening! Mike Patton has a legitimate reason to hate Anthony Kiedis! All that and more – on this week’s episode of Your Favorite Band Sucks!

Is U2 the single most overrated band on the planet? They very well may be. Saying that U2 sucks is like saying that passing a cluster of kidney stones sucks. Words don’t do it justice. Still, Mark and Tyler have bad things to say about U2. Very bad things.

The Edge has never even been able to play guitar. Bono seems to have a total lack of self-awareness from day one. Side note: can we please get a petition going to ban him from being in documentaries and/or continuing to be a massive hypocrite on political issues?

This has to stop. Nobody asked for it and nobody wants it. Christmas music is canceled. If we all come together on this then we can make it happen. How would that be for a Christmas miracle?!

We dedicate this episode of Your Favorite Band Sucks to anyone who has ever worked retail in the month of December. You didn’t deserve that.

If you think the Rolling Stones are “cool” then you probably tried to join the Sons of Anarchy motorcycle gang at some point.

They’re not cool. They never were. They were told how to dress and how to talk. Even they know they suck at making music because they’ve only put out two albums in the past, like, twenty years and one of them was just a bunch of stupid covers.

We have a shirt made just for this episode. Check out our SHOP and buy one.

Yeah, yeah. You think we think we’re edgy for saying The Beatles suck. No, they really do suck. They made bad music and you should feel bad for liking it. Unless you already agree with us, in which case, welcome to your new favorite podcast.

The Beatles took American music and sold it back to us with accents and stupid haircuts. Why are we supposed to be impressed? Oh, because they were the first ones to… Wait, they weren’t the first ones to do anything important? What’s going on here? Mark thinks if The Beatles are your favorite band then you don’t even like music. Tyler doesn’t disagree. Hear why The Beatles don’t deserve credit for anything other than how much they suck on the first episode of Your Favorite Band Sucks.

John Lennon’s stupid letter to the New York Times